The Productive Pessimist

  Resolve: "solve again." What's the point of that? Why 'solve something again' - resolve - when you can put Productive Pessimism to work to ensure it doesn't become a problem in the first place, and therefore doesn't need a solution. Many of us find we need some kind of 'psychological jump-off point' - how often do you find yourself saying "I'll start X project at 10.30am", only to feel, if you turn to it at 10.31am, that something is 'wrong', and you tell yourself that you can't possibly start until 11am now? The start of a new year is a huge psychological jump point. Not only do we feel a sense that we 'should' be doing something different, as a way to mark what we want to believe is a significant turning point, we're often more than ready for the invigoration of something new after what can sometimes feel like a frustrating fallow period for many people. At the end of the day, there is nothing magical or my

  We're roughly a week away from "full-on" festive season for many people.  For my household (Pagan - eclectic in general, with Norse leanings on my side, and Celtic on my wife's) we're just five days from Solstice, our winter celebration. For those who are mystically inclined, five is a dynamic number, promising positive change through effective communication - so, five days before one of my major points of celebration seems a good time to talk about the power of Productive Pessimism, and encourage you to consider making a booking for 2024 - or sooner, if you're ready for change right now! How Can Pessimism Be Productive?! I know what you're thinking - "Pessimism isn't productive! I don't want a bunch of Negative Neils whinging on around my ideas and projects!" Absolutely - nobody wants a Neg coming in and being a killjoy. That's not what Productive Pessimism is about - pessimism is "the expectation that bad things will happen&q

  "I'm having endless  conversations with the school about my son, because of his behaviour in lessons - he's lovely  at home..." What jumps out to me from this statement - which is one heard ad nauseum, seen all over social media, in every agony aunt (and uncle!) column, just with the gender of the child changed - and which is reflected in the adult world as "HR conversations about this completely unmanageable employee, who won't follow processes or take direction!" is that the wrong people  are being engaged in conversation. If your child's school are reporting discipline issues - talk to your child. Not by yelling at them, or telling them what the school told you, but in terms of: . "Do you know what your teacher wants you to do when you're in a lesson?" . "Do you understand why it's important that your friends feel you're being kind to them?" The answer to these questions may be "No" - which begins a conv

  TW: Discussion of systemic transphobia, Discussion of racism "How can a trans woman be CEO of an endometriosis charity?!"  Well, the head coach of the England Women's Rugby team is a male-identified, cisgender (assigned male at birth) man. The CEO of the RNIB isn't blind. CEOs of anti-poverty charities are certainly well-remunerated enough to not actually be in poverty. Most have never  experienced hardship, having danced from Executive post to Executive post, before eventually landing as a CEO. The upside of being a pessimist is you spend so long looking at problems that you gain an intuitive awareness that, very often, the thing being presented as "the problem" isn't, in fact, the real  issue that needs a solution. In endometriosis , the (very real, for those who suffer from the condition) issues of medical fact would be fairly straightforward to address. The problem  is medical disinterest, and, very particularly, the attitude of the medical profess

If you have any experience of teenagers, you'll be very familiar with the response of "nothing" when you ask them "What did you do at school today?" They're not being sullen, uncommunicative, or rude. They're not 'so addicted to their screens they've forgotten how to have a conversation with real people!'   They're not keeping secrets. What did you  do at work today? What did you do when you went out earlier? What did you do at the weekend? I suspect a significant number of you, at least initially, thought "nothing" or "nothing much". Clearly, 'nothing' doesn't actually mean nothing , either when we say it as adults, or when children say it. A proof of this: Ask a five year old what they  did at school - but make sure you have at least an hour to listen to the answer! Ask a teenager, without judgement, what happens in a gaming stream, or what's going on in the book they're reading, or how their late

  "I think you'd benefit from some personal development." "We need to develop ourselves as an organisation." You've probably all heard at least one of these, or, if you haven't, you're likely to have had occasional thoughts - probably around the 1st of January! - about 'self-improvement' or 'personal development'. But how do you know what you need to develop or improve about yourself, your team, or your organisation? Well, what is guaranteed to make you absolutely furious? What is the recurring focus of your bad dreams and Monday-morning blues? That's your brain telling you, in its unique, sideways way, what you need to work on. If you get furious about the fact that your team never seem to do anything they're asked, and, to all appearances, just sit there in between project check-ins twiddling their thumbs - your development needs are motivational communication, resilience, and adaptability. (Yes, your team likely have develo

  Today is World Kindness Day. One of those days that has me rolling me eyes so hard, I risk having to explain to my ophthalmology consultant exactly how I lost the remaining 45% of my sight in under an hour. Of course you shouldn't just go around being an arsehole to people for the sake of it, of course a bit of small talk can oil a lot of wheels, and everyone's over edge lords and their "I don't care about your feelings!" shtick, but... Kindness doesn't help anyone. Kindness is telling someone, for 16+ years, that their drawings and paintings are amazing, and then leaving them to deal with the fall out of discovering they can't turn their passion for art into a career on their own when the market goes "That's sh*t - I wouldn't give you a spare fart for it, mate." Kindness is telling someone that they "just need to find their tribe", when what they actually  need to do is learn to communicate in styles that aren't their per