Every article that comes up when you search "How to recover from burnout" is either just the usual bare-minimum basic "human life maintenance" of "oooohhh, get enough sleep! Eat fruit and veggies! Exercise! Be outside! THERAPEEEEE!!!!" -
okay, tell the "get enough sleep" to my insomnia. I go to bed around 10pm routinely. I don't scroll my phone or bop about on my laptop when I'm settling to sleep. I know I need to have background noise, so I set that up before I settle down. I take half an hour before I start to try to sleep, I check in with whether I need more/fewer blankets, or if I need the window open. I sleep alone (I'm married, my wife and I have very contradicting sleep needs.)
I'm a grown adult without food sensitivities or allergy triggers - I eat fresh fruit and vegetables as a routine, daily thing. Along with knowing my body's tolerance for protein (I have high protein needs owing to multiple physical health challenges; I'm focusing on improving the sustainability of those choices), fibre (I have IBS-D; my body is not a fan of fibre...as in, if I do "too much" fibre - which can be as little as 2 pieces of fruit and veg on some days - I'm in agony, bolting to the toilet multiple times a day, having really bad gas, and risking soiling myself without realising that's happened (I wear incontinence pants because of this - despite all these challenges, I still focus on eating fruit and veg daily), and carbs (my body has a very low carb tolerance, so I focus on vegetables being the main source of carbs.) I drink water daily.
I do strength and cardio training daily. I walk at least 5 days out of seven, for a minimum of 30mins, which is literally always outside.
I've had therapy. Extensively. CBT, DBT, psychoanalysis. I have a regular journalling practice, and a regular meditation practice -
okay, tell the "get enough sleep" to my insomnia. I go to bed around 10pm routinely. I don't scroll my phone or bop about on my laptop when I'm settling to sleep. I know I need to have background noise, so I set that up before I settle down. I take half an hour before I start to try to sleep, I check in with whether I need more/fewer blankets, or if I need the window open. I sleep alone (I'm married, my wife and I have very contradicting sleep needs.)
I'm a grown adult without food sensitivities or allergy triggers - I eat fresh fruit and vegetables as a routine, daily thing. Along with knowing my body's tolerance for protein (I have high protein needs owing to multiple physical health challenges; I'm focusing on improving the sustainability of those choices), fibre (I have IBS-D; my body is not a fan of fibre...as in, if I do "too much" fibre - which can be as little as 2 pieces of fruit and veg on some days - I'm in agony, bolting to the toilet multiple times a day, having really bad gas, and risking soiling myself without realising that's happened (I wear incontinence pants because of this - despite all these challenges, I still focus on eating fruit and veg daily), and carbs (my body has a very low carb tolerance, so I focus on vegetables being the main source of carbs.) I drink water daily.
I do strength and cardio training daily. I walk at least 5 days out of seven, for a minimum of 30mins, which is literally always outside.
I've had therapy. Extensively. CBT, DBT, psychoanalysis. I have a regular journalling practice, and a regular meditation practice -
or the addressing burnout advice assumes you're burnt out from work.
I've been there. I've been in burnout myself, whilst trying to keep an entire team who was in burnout motivated, while the actual manager was burnt out and noped-out on actually being a manager. I've been burnt out in a different job where I was basically treated like a five year old by grown adults who felt they should never have to even consider doing anything even slightly differently. (Never, ever work in change management in healthcare...healthcare workers are certain that they're already working in the most efficient, effective, patient-centred way that could ever be modelled...all the patient complaints? Those people just want to create drama. The patients are just attention seekers. (No shit, Sherlock..."seeking attention" is pretty much the entire reason people lose out on hours of pay, waste entire days, take multiple buses, pay a fortune in car park fees, to get in front of a healthcare worker...)
I've also been burnt out from jobsearching/unemployment. (I would always recommend being burnt out in a job - it's terrifying how many balls you can drop on a salary that meets your living costs before someone gets mad about it, versus how little you can stop doing when the DWP aren't even paying the minimum wage in "welfare.")
Right now, though? The job I have is pretty much spot on for what I want - other than it's a fixed term contract which is going to end in December, and at the moment the local rag is on a tear shit-stirring about the project that's behind my job (it's a construction project guys...the minimum wage went up between when it was announced and now...that means labour costs have gone up...materials costs have gone up...this happens in construction all. the. fucking. time. It's not news...), meaning I'm getting anxious about what happens next year, and am feeling more than a little stressed out having to fight the fires caused by the local rag's content drive - but honestly? Having just two fairly average things that are vexxing me about a job? That's life goals given the experiences I've had over the past 20yrs of employment. (Ranging from literally convicted-criminal management, through dealing with colleagues abusing both clients and me, gaslighting micromanagers, 45hr workweek with a 15hr per week commute for a job that absolutely could have been worked remote, my workload being the only workload that didn't get redistributed when I went on annual leave, meaning I couldn't face taking annual leave unless I absolutely had to, because I'd just come back to double my already high workload....Bratty local rags and an approaching deadline for finding another income is nothing in relative terms.) Other than the fixed term contract that won't be renewed (because the project will be complete, and the organisation will be down to minimum reserves from completing it, so there won't be anything else for me to hop to for them), and the newspaper drama? This current job is exactly what I need and want - part-time (means I have more of a chance of keeping my disabilities from acting out too much, allows me to keep on top of domestic chores, gives me enough downtime to actually stop thinking about work and still have time to rest), work from home (ideal for setting things up to mitigate my sight loss and handle IBS flares, no commute to stress me out before I've even started), with occasional site visits (which gives me touch points with other humans, which is a good balance for remote work, without overwhelming me with travel and time spent with humans, both of which are quite high-drain for me, as I'm an introvert who is currently working on effective management of social anxiety). In an ideal world, I'd be earning more, but the job market is what it is, and I have a lot of limitations that make an already tough job market even dicier; I'm medically banned from driving, I have health impacts which act up regularly but unpredictably, one of which has stress as a trigger, and I'm completely night-blind, meaning even if public transport serves the job times, or it's in walking distance, I can't stay in-office late, November-February I have to leave early to get home while I can still see if I'm not fully remote... I make just about enough to keep a little bit ahead, and that's a lot better than having nothing. Likewise, I'd've preferred more long-term security, but something is better than nothing. I'm interested in the sector, and genuinely excited for the project that my role is supporting. My job isn't the issue.
But I'm more burnt out than I have ever been before.
I can't even think of anything creative.
My mind throws up black static when I try and plan for the end of this contract in December, when I try and identify side gigs I can run alongside it, when I try and think about how I can promote my skills to line up freelance clients.
I can't focus on things I usually find really immersive and enjoyable, like reading, creative writing, art.
I'm experiencing wild emotional swings - from anger to tears, apathy to panic attacks.
I'm experiencing near-constant anxiety about my pets or my wife dying suddenly.
I find myself spiralling and catastrophising about everyday things.
I'm having to talk myself out of crashing out of my job - the job I do not have any real problem with. The job I genuinely enjoy, which is both a skills and passion match, to within 90%. The job I don't have any kind of backup income for.
I'm finding myself experiencing very extremely nihilistic dips - ie, everything is going to hell, we'll probably all either be nuked to f-k, or go extinct in the very near future.
My attention span is shot.
And there's nothing for "I'm burnt out from life" - other than "carer burnout", which, to a small extent, probably does also apply to me - but the advice for that...ehhh...honestly? I can't even get past the passive-aggressive "How dare my spouse/family member need care that I can't just pay for?!" huffing. It's all about how awful dependents are, and that's not how I feel about my wife. She's not a "burden", she's not a "barrier to my success" - she's fantastic. She supports me as much as I support her - we care for each other, in reality. She's great company, we have good conversations, we're temperamentally very well suited, and aligned on major life aspects. And there's no option for respite care - she's "too high functioning" for most services in our area, especially since a major local provider recently crashed out, meaning remaining services are oversubscribed and under-resourced. We don't have family or friends she could go and stay with.
I recognise I need more social connection beyond my marriage - but I'm honestly at capacity balancing my job, domestic chores, and managing my health issues. I don't have any energy or interest left in going out. I don't really have anyone to go out with - my one friend other than my wife is also at capacity managing her job, her domestic responsibilities, and the toll her job takes on her disability. The local "men's mental health group" is run by people who are not remotely aligned to my values (think: believe Charlie Kirk "had some good points", and support the use of GenAI for really trivial things - like marketing shtick they could absolutely just...take an actual photo of the guys literally in the group for... I also recently observed one guy from this group literally blank his young son, who was actually tugging at his shirt, because his "bro bonding moment" with another group member was more important - I have zero interest in being around that kind of masculinity, because it's not the kind of man I am, and it's not the kind of masculinity that I was raised by.)
Other local groups have the same risks - a very high likelihood of racism, transphobia, and/or anti-welfare-claimant rhetoric; for me, those attitudes are more draining than social isolation.
As an introvert, there's really not a lot on offer anywhere in terms of actually renewing social engagement - because society is geared to extroverts, and the assumption is "introverts don't need to socialise" - we do, it's just that we need a different kind of social engagement to get the same "reset and recharge" benefits that clubbing, bars, parties, loud, busy environments give extroverts.
I've tried setting up my own events - no one turned up. Because, in order to successfully start a new social venue, you...have to already be successfully socialising.
Social media doesn't offer me any kind of social exchange - I have well-curated feeds, on literally just two platforms (Instagram and LinkedIn), and I do often come across engaging content, but there's no real engagement in the wake of the content.
Part of my issue is I'm genuinely not socially geared, not even in an introvert way; intellectually, I recognise that social engagement is as essential to wellbeing as the right diet for your body, and regular exercise, but it's...just not something that actually comes across my mind as something I feel unsettled for not doing. If I miss more than a couple of days of exercise, I feel the lack of it. I want to get back to working out. Same with eating fresh fruit and veg, unprocessed food - I want it if I don't get enough of it for whatever reason. But socialising just...isn't a cog in my mental landscape. Part of me feels this would be different if I had a high values-aligned social group to go to, but I'm not even sure that's really the case.
I don't really know what the answer is, but I need to figure it out; I should have enough savings to ride out the last two weeks of December after my contract ends, and January, which is a fucking write-off for getting anyone to even read a fucking email in the UK, never mind make a hiring decision; however: I actually need to be working at least another one-day-per-week contract by September, because UK businesses go on cruise control through October and November, because it takes them two months to complete a hiring process, and "October's too close to Christmas to start a hiring round...", December is a write-off, because, from the 4th December, everyone switches into "But it's nearly Crimbo!" mode, then January is "Waaaaahhhhh, I did fuck-all during December, and now I'm overwhelmed! Don't even talk to me!", drag their heels through February and March, because "the tax year doesn't start until April"...then it takes them at least two months to complete a hiring process...which takes us to June...meaning I have at most six weeks in role before 90% of the organisation fucks off until September, because "it's the school holidays; what am I supposed to do with my kids if I'm at work?" Given that no one is going to be even looking at emails for the next four weeks, because "But Easter! School holidays! 90% of our staff are on annual leave!", then May is going to be a strike-through, because of the two Bank Holidays and the late May half term (people on annual leave, or claiming they're "working from home", but somehow never responding to emails...), I basically have to start looking for that new contract now, so that I have half a chance of successfully navigating the low-effort complete failure of British productivity in business, and the assault course of "peak annual leave times"/"our team is female-dominant, so are all working fully remote to accommodate their family needs at this time" to actually be under contract by September. Aaaaannnnnddddd...yeah. I'm in life burnout, and my brain is refusing to get with that programme. Hence, I really need to figure this "how to get over life burnout" thing soon.
Answers on an email....
(theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com...)
I've been there. I've been in burnout myself, whilst trying to keep an entire team who was in burnout motivated, while the actual manager was burnt out and noped-out on actually being a manager. I've been burnt out in a different job where I was basically treated like a five year old by grown adults who felt they should never have to even consider doing anything even slightly differently. (Never, ever work in change management in healthcare...healthcare workers are certain that they're already working in the most efficient, effective, patient-centred way that could ever be modelled...all the patient complaints? Those people just want to create drama. The patients are just attention seekers. (No shit, Sherlock..."seeking attention" is pretty much the entire reason people lose out on hours of pay, waste entire days, take multiple buses, pay a fortune in car park fees, to get in front of a healthcare worker...)
I've also been burnt out from jobsearching/unemployment. (I would always recommend being burnt out in a job - it's terrifying how many balls you can drop on a salary that meets your living costs before someone gets mad about it, versus how little you can stop doing when the DWP aren't even paying the minimum wage in "welfare.")
Right now, though? The job I have is pretty much spot on for what I want - other than it's a fixed term contract which is going to end in December, and at the moment the local rag is on a tear shit-stirring about the project that's behind my job (it's a construction project guys...the minimum wage went up between when it was announced and now...that means labour costs have gone up...materials costs have gone up...this happens in construction all. the. fucking. time. It's not news...), meaning I'm getting anxious about what happens next year, and am feeling more than a little stressed out having to fight the fires caused by the local rag's content drive - but honestly? Having just two fairly average things that are vexxing me about a job? That's life goals given the experiences I've had over the past 20yrs of employment. (Ranging from literally convicted-criminal management, through dealing with colleagues abusing both clients and me, gaslighting micromanagers, 45hr workweek with a 15hr per week commute for a job that absolutely could have been worked remote, my workload being the only workload that didn't get redistributed when I went on annual leave, meaning I couldn't face taking annual leave unless I absolutely had to, because I'd just come back to double my already high workload....Bratty local rags and an approaching deadline for finding another income is nothing in relative terms.) Other than the fixed term contract that won't be renewed (because the project will be complete, and the organisation will be down to minimum reserves from completing it, so there won't be anything else for me to hop to for them), and the newspaper drama? This current job is exactly what I need and want - part-time (means I have more of a chance of keeping my disabilities from acting out too much, allows me to keep on top of domestic chores, gives me enough downtime to actually stop thinking about work and still have time to rest), work from home (ideal for setting things up to mitigate my sight loss and handle IBS flares, no commute to stress me out before I've even started), with occasional site visits (which gives me touch points with other humans, which is a good balance for remote work, without overwhelming me with travel and time spent with humans, both of which are quite high-drain for me, as I'm an introvert who is currently working on effective management of social anxiety). In an ideal world, I'd be earning more, but the job market is what it is, and I have a lot of limitations that make an already tough job market even dicier; I'm medically banned from driving, I have health impacts which act up regularly but unpredictably, one of which has stress as a trigger, and I'm completely night-blind, meaning even if public transport serves the job times, or it's in walking distance, I can't stay in-office late, November-February I have to leave early to get home while I can still see if I'm not fully remote... I make just about enough to keep a little bit ahead, and that's a lot better than having nothing. Likewise, I'd've preferred more long-term security, but something is better than nothing. I'm interested in the sector, and genuinely excited for the project that my role is supporting. My job isn't the issue.
But I'm more burnt out than I have ever been before.
I can't even think of anything creative.
My mind throws up black static when I try and plan for the end of this contract in December, when I try and identify side gigs I can run alongside it, when I try and think about how I can promote my skills to line up freelance clients.
I can't focus on things I usually find really immersive and enjoyable, like reading, creative writing, art.
I'm experiencing wild emotional swings - from anger to tears, apathy to panic attacks.
I'm experiencing near-constant anxiety about my pets or my wife dying suddenly.
I find myself spiralling and catastrophising about everyday things.
I'm having to talk myself out of crashing out of my job - the job I do not have any real problem with. The job I genuinely enjoy, which is both a skills and passion match, to within 90%. The job I don't have any kind of backup income for.
I'm finding myself experiencing very extremely nihilistic dips - ie, everything is going to hell, we'll probably all either be nuked to f-k, or go extinct in the very near future.
My attention span is shot.
And there's nothing for "I'm burnt out from life" - other than "carer burnout", which, to a small extent, probably does also apply to me - but the advice for that...ehhh...honestly? I can't even get past the passive-aggressive "How dare my spouse/family member need care that I can't just pay for?!" huffing. It's all about how awful dependents are, and that's not how I feel about my wife. She's not a "burden", she's not a "barrier to my success" - she's fantastic. She supports me as much as I support her - we care for each other, in reality. She's great company, we have good conversations, we're temperamentally very well suited, and aligned on major life aspects. And there's no option for respite care - she's "too high functioning" for most services in our area, especially since a major local provider recently crashed out, meaning remaining services are oversubscribed and under-resourced. We don't have family or friends she could go and stay with.
I recognise I need more social connection beyond my marriage - but I'm honestly at capacity balancing my job, domestic chores, and managing my health issues. I don't have any energy or interest left in going out. I don't really have anyone to go out with - my one friend other than my wife is also at capacity managing her job, her domestic responsibilities, and the toll her job takes on her disability. The local "men's mental health group" is run by people who are not remotely aligned to my values (think: believe Charlie Kirk "had some good points", and support the use of GenAI for really trivial things - like marketing shtick they could absolutely just...take an actual photo of the guys literally in the group for... I also recently observed one guy from this group literally blank his young son, who was actually tugging at his shirt, because his "bro bonding moment" with another group member was more important - I have zero interest in being around that kind of masculinity, because it's not the kind of man I am, and it's not the kind of masculinity that I was raised by.)
Other local groups have the same risks - a very high likelihood of racism, transphobia, and/or anti-welfare-claimant rhetoric; for me, those attitudes are more draining than social isolation.
As an introvert, there's really not a lot on offer anywhere in terms of actually renewing social engagement - because society is geared to extroverts, and the assumption is "introverts don't need to socialise" - we do, it's just that we need a different kind of social engagement to get the same "reset and recharge" benefits that clubbing, bars, parties, loud, busy environments give extroverts.
I've tried setting up my own events - no one turned up. Because, in order to successfully start a new social venue, you...have to already be successfully socialising.
Social media doesn't offer me any kind of social exchange - I have well-curated feeds, on literally just two platforms (Instagram and LinkedIn), and I do often come across engaging content, but there's no real engagement in the wake of the content.
Part of my issue is I'm genuinely not socially geared, not even in an introvert way; intellectually, I recognise that social engagement is as essential to wellbeing as the right diet for your body, and regular exercise, but it's...just not something that actually comes across my mind as something I feel unsettled for not doing. If I miss more than a couple of days of exercise, I feel the lack of it. I want to get back to working out. Same with eating fresh fruit and veg, unprocessed food - I want it if I don't get enough of it for whatever reason. But socialising just...isn't a cog in my mental landscape. Part of me feels this would be different if I had a high values-aligned social group to go to, but I'm not even sure that's really the case.
I don't really know what the answer is, but I need to figure it out; I should have enough savings to ride out the last two weeks of December after my contract ends, and January, which is a fucking write-off for getting anyone to even read a fucking email in the UK, never mind make a hiring decision; however: I actually need to be working at least another one-day-per-week contract by September, because UK businesses go on cruise control through October and November, because it takes them two months to complete a hiring process, and "October's too close to Christmas to start a hiring round...", December is a write-off, because, from the 4th December, everyone switches into "But it's nearly Crimbo!" mode, then January is "Waaaaahhhhh, I did fuck-all during December, and now I'm overwhelmed! Don't even talk to me!", drag their heels through February and March, because "the tax year doesn't start until April"...then it takes them at least two months to complete a hiring process...which takes us to June...meaning I have at most six weeks in role before 90% of the organisation fucks off until September, because "it's the school holidays; what am I supposed to do with my kids if I'm at work?" Given that no one is going to be even looking at emails for the next four weeks, because "But Easter! School holidays! 90% of our staff are on annual leave!", then May is going to be a strike-through, because of the two Bank Holidays and the late May half term (people on annual leave, or claiming they're "working from home", but somehow never responding to emails...), I basically have to start looking for that new contract now, so that I have half a chance of successfully navigating the low-effort complete failure of British productivity in business, and the assault course of "peak annual leave times"/"our team is female-dominant, so are all working fully remote to accommodate their family needs at this time" to actually be under contract by September. Aaaaannnnnddddd...yeah. I'm in life burnout, and my brain is refusing to get with that programme. Hence, I really need to figure this "how to get over life burnout" thing soon.
Answers on an email....
(theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com...)
Comments
Post a Comment