With Pride

 

We enter Pride Month at a time when global LGBTQIA+ rights are under direct, immediate attack, including in developed Western countries - which has not been the case, on a systemic level, for many years.  For some younger LGBTQIA+ Western people, they have never in their lifetime known a situation where, systemically, at a legal level, they have not had rights as a default position.

It feels frightening - even when you have lived through being LGBTQIA+ without rights, or without the level of rights younger Western people have been able to assume were "just naturally there."

It actually is frightening.

It is terrifying when your government directly positions itself in opposition to your ability to safely exist as yourself in the world.

And LGBTQIA+ people have to exist in the world.
Including non-passing trans people.
Including very butch Sapphic women, and very femme gay men.
Including people who are visibly intersex.
Including polyamorous people who want all their partners to be known about and included in the full scope of their lives.
Including children who are presenting contrary to the expectations of their assigned sex, whether because they simply have a preference which doesn't align with gender stereotypes, are exploring the possibilities of personal identity, or are, in fact trans.

And right now, globally, including in Western nations, all of the above categories of human beings are being very aggressively told, by governments, institutions, and organisations, that they are not allowed to exist as themselves, and that, if they defy that refusal of permission, they should expect to be met with hostility, up to and including violence.

You have lost the luxury of treating Pride as a carnival, a fun family day out.  
You have lost the right to enjoy a picnic or a pint whilst smiling and shrieking along with drag queens.
You have lost the right to treat Pride as a marketing opportunity, the LGBTQIA+ community as a money pit you can exploit as emotionally driven consumers.

The first Pride was a riot.

What Pride must become now is a quiet riot.

The quiet riot of calmly replacing gendered signage on toilets and changing rooms with "gender neutral space" signage - and, potentially, figuring out ways to create private areas within those spaces affordably and quickly. (The Productive Pessimist can advise on this - email us: theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com)

The quiet riot of identifying and greeting customers as "this customer",  "my friend",  rather than using gendered terms. Eg;
"How can I help you, my friend?"
"Could you serve this customer, please?"

The quiet riot of, if you do use gendered terms, and someone corrects you, accepting that with a simple "Oh! Sorry!", and a repetition of the gendered term you have been given by that person.

The quiet riot of using compliments on style and accomplishment, rather than appearance or gender-linked concepts - eg; "I love the way you've pulled that outfit together!",  "Well done for working hard on this project",   "I was really impressed by the resilience you showed recently; I know you've been going through a tough time, and I really appreciate that you continued to prioritise showing up."

The quiet riot of asking what a person's passions are, rather than what their gender is.

The quiet riot of, if there is a genuine necessity to know what someone's genitals are, asking that question, in a private, sensitive way, rather than "What is your assigned sex?" or "Are you male or female?" Eg: "I need to ask you a personal question; could you step into (more private space) for a moment? Thank you. Because (reason), I do need to know what your genital arrangement is, is that okay for you to answer?" Reasons could include the need for a catheter insertion, to establish the best way to support a low-mobility person with toilet needs, conducting an STI test, or establishing a diagnosis which could hinge on sex-or-genitalia-linked aspects.

The quiet riot of, when you know someone is trans, intersex, raising a trans or intersex child, or otherwise part of the LGBTQIA+ community, reaching out, and saying:
"I know things are pretty horrific right now. Is there anything you need that I can do for you?"

The quiet riot of, when you are straight-passing, cisgender LGB individuals, recognising that, right now, you are the least impacted members of the LGBTQIA+ community.  That means you need to stop gatekeeping and niching-down mutual aid support. It means you need to back up, just a little, on bringing your anti-racism "work" into every conversation with non-BIPOC/non-Global Majority trans and intersex individuals, and recognise that their whiteness does not "mitigate" their non-cis-ness in the current climate.

The quiet riot of non-BIPOC/non-Global Majority trans and intersex people not overreacting, or becoming defensive, to the commentary from Global Majority trans and intersex people about the additional systemic threats and legal restrictions they are facing because they are not perceived as white, in addition to those they face because they are not perceived as cis.

The quiet riot of intersectionally-impacted trans and intersex people recognising that being white doesn't really matter in the face of the loss of rights and safety for all trans and intersex people, and being able to be gentler when they are explaining their additional impacts.

The quiet riot of supporting impacted persons without barriers, judgement, or expectations.  

The quiet riot of writing to your representatives, and simply expressing your support for trans and intersex people existing safely as themselves.

The quiet riot of opening and holding space for conversations around the fullness of gender diversity. It's not "well, if you're not cis, you're trans" - there may well be a need to return to a more trans medicalist understanding, that "trans people" are:
. People who experience dysphoria
. People who desire to have a body that looks like a cis person's of their gender (with all the range of possibilities that includes - cis people can be feminine men, masculine women, and everything in between and around, as well as "just regular people.")

. People who behave and present themselves within the bounds of "normal" for cis people of their gender

Where people experience solely euphoria when they present as another gender, and genuinely do not have dysphoria, we may need to remove the moral judgement from the concept of "crossdresser", or create a more neutral, but equivalent, term, to describe those people.  This might then need to lead to a conversation about additional rights that trans people - those with dysphoria, and a desire to a fully cis-normative body and lifestyle - might reasonably be granted over those which apply to crossdressers (or whatever term is decided upon by that community themselves), as well as a recognition that some people who initially recognise themselves as crossdressers may come to have dysphoria, and therefore will need a supportive, person-centred pathway to be respected as trans people.

There may be a need for societies to make it easier for trans people to have surgeries and access hormones - that could, in fact, start now; if, as the UK government is insisting in the wake of the Supreme Court's For Women Scotland ruling, that sex as assigned at birth is an enduring legal reality which cannot be changed, then trans women who have vaginoplasty and breast augmentation are just "men" who are electively engaging in cosmetic body alteration.   Trans men who have top surgery, hysterectomies, and phalloplasty are just "women" expressing autonomy over their own bodies.  This isn't something we normally bring legal barriers against - generally, as long as someone has the money, they can book in with a surgeon of their choice, and do whatever they want to their body.

Far more impactful, to far more people, than any "alteration" of a body in gender-affirming ways is pregnancy. You know, the thing people aren't even assessed as to whether they can actually afford? The thing which still comes with a risk of death? The thing which impacts social care services, resource provision, the thing that presumes more consumption, more resource use, more land loss, for decades after the initial fact of becoming pregnant.  It is almost unheard of for people to be physically prevented from becoming pregnant - when it happens, it is usually in relation to severe learning disabilities, and a belief that a person with a uterus who also has severe learning disabilities would not be able to give informed consent to becoming pregnant, because they "aren't able" to understand the long term impacts of having a child; as though people without learning disabilities actually understand how expensive, life-altering, and demanding having a child will be.  Really, everyone should be prevented from becoming pregnant until they display financial security, relationship security, and a full understanding of all possible risks and impacts of having a child.  Achieving this position would simply be mandating vasectomies (which are low risk, and reversible) for all people with penises at the age of 15, and commencing hormonal birth control for all persons with uteruses when those people begin menstruating. (Because teenagers do have sex before the legal age of consent...and because adults do sexually assault teenagers who are not at the legal age of consent.)

If your immediate response is to become enraged at the idea of "the government controlling children's bodies!" - step back, take a breath, and understand that this is the level of control the government has over trans and intersex peoples' bodies already. Including intersex and trans children's bodies. And they want more control.

Pregnancy and childbirth does not only impact the pregnant person, and the person who made them pregnant.  It comes with a cost to society, which goes far beyond the medical costs of supporting them.

In contrast, a person engaging in gender-affirming medical interventions does not have an enduring impact on society beyond their medical costs.

People - Trans and intersex people are people. They are human beings with hobbies, personal passions, a wide range of relationships, jobs, career ambitions, chores to complete.  We are consumers. We are your workforce.  We are organisational leaders.  We are homeowners.  We are your tenants.  We are house builders.  We are architects.  We are interior designers.  We are landscapers.   We  are cleaners.  We are dog walkers.   We sell you your houseplants.

Reality - being trans or intersex is the least interesting, and least relevant, thing about someone.  Most trans and intersex people understand that some medical situations will require them to disclose their genital situation. Most trans and intersex people do not demand that people include us in their attraction.

Intersex - intersex is not an interchangeable term for trans. While one possible explanation for what "causes" people to be trans, to experience the dysphoria which underpins a genuinely trans experience, is "invisible" intersex conditions, we don't know that that is the case.   
Intersex people are biologically not fully male or fully female; their "biological reality" is actually "neuter"/"intersex"/"neither"/"both" - but society refuses to allow full statements of biological reality, despite creating laws, and demanding control over peoples' bodies, based on "biological reality."

Decency - If you wouldn't welcome the question being asked to you, don't ask it to someone you perceive as being "not cisgender."

Engagement - If you don't understand aspects of the LGBTQIA+ experience, if you don't understand what's going on in the legal realms of the UK and USA right now, if you don't understand "how someone can believe they're a woman when they have a penis" - do some online research, with a genuinely open mind.  Read blogs and books written from lived experience. Listen to podcasts centring lived experience.