Today is International Day of Happiness. We're The Productive Pessimist; those two things may seem to be completely at odds.
Can pessimists be happy? Isn't pessimism essentially a guarantee of lifelong discontent?
Pessimism is actually more likely to create a state of calm, enduring happiness, because pessimism prevents unrealistic expectations from being built into believable ambitions.
Pessimists have dreams, like everyone else, but they are grounded in a realism that has been subjected to often quite extreme analysis. Just because a dream doesn't make it through this analysis, it doesn't mean a pessimist can't or won't indulge it; sometimes, it can be pleasant to play with a dream which we know won't go anywhere - after all, if the dream is acknowledged as impossible, we can enjoy our ideal of it, without any risk of having to encounter the downsides which come with any dream.
Can pessimists be happy? Isn't pessimism essentially a guarantee of lifelong discontent?
Pessimism is actually more likely to create a state of calm, enduring happiness, because pessimism prevents unrealistic expectations from being built into believable ambitions.
Pessimists have dreams, like everyone else, but they are grounded in a realism that has been subjected to often quite extreme analysis. Just because a dream doesn't make it through this analysis, it doesn't mean a pessimist can't or won't indulge it; sometimes, it can be pleasant to play with a dream which we know won't go anywhere - after all, if the dream is acknowledged as impossible, we can enjoy our ideal of it, without any risk of having to encounter the downsides which come with any dream.
Dreams which make it through a pessimist's analysis much more readily become goals - focused efforts, rather than passing diversions.
Diversions cheer us up. Focused efforts, even when we don't achieve them as we'd hoped, are what creates stable, enduring happiness.
The things which give me greatest happiness are the things I have had to work at;
. My marriage - which is a daily endeavour, requiring maintenance, attention to detail, self-sacrifice, and no small amount of lateral thinking.
. My writing - I haven't achieved the success I'd like with it yet, but I enjoy it for itself. I used to care about getting 'noticed', and, ideally, published - now, I don't. I work on making sure I'm saying something sensible, I work on presentation and tone, I work on other ways of presenting my thoughts. And it's this aspect of work which brings happiness.
. My pets - I have several pets; dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, and a hamster. All of them require a great deal of work to care effectively for them, and, in the dogs' case, to train them to be safe and acceptable in public. The work is often challenging, sometimes frustrating, but it's the work of having pets that means their presence makes me happy.
. My work - building The Productive Pessimist from very literal scratch is challenging. Often, it is challenging to the point of mental exhaustion. But, when I have work to do with The Productive Pessimist, I'm happy - very likely because of the challenges it presents.
There's also the fact that, because pessimists assume the worst, we notice and value the best when we experience it. Those who take for granted the fact that things will go well for them are often unhappy, because they assumed something which was causing them happiness would endure, and became frustrated when it ended - as passing things which make us happy always will.
Some pessimists are always unhappy - but not because they are pessimists.
Most pessimists, like most people, can experience times of unhappiness.
Some pessimists never really feel either happy or unhappy - they exist in a state of unremarkable neutral.
How can Productive Pessimism improve happiness?
Productive Pessimism is a technique, a cognitive tool. As such, one of the ways it can be used is to improve your own happiness.
1. Identify whether you are unhappy, or discontent.
Unhappiness is an emotion - you feel it in your chest and stomach primarily.
Discontentment, in contrast, is a cognitive state - you feel it in your mind first, although it can spread to your chest and stomach.
2. If you are unhappy, then use the Productive Pessimism Process to identify why you are unhappy.
The Productive Pessimism Process:
a) State the feeling, then question it from several angles: eg; "I am unhappy. Why am I unhappy? How am I unhappy? When did I start feeling unhappy? Where am I feeling the unhappiness most in my body? What helps with/exacerbates the unhappiness?" Make notes of your answers, keeping the questions separate.
b) Question the answers to the questions from step a).
Eg; Answer to the question 'Why am I unhappy?' - 'I am unhappy because I'm struggling at work' - "What am I struggling with at work? When did I first notice I was struggling?" Again, write down your answers - and make sure you question each of the answers from every part of step a).
c) Review your answers. Using different colours, or particular symbols, or whatever kind of system works for you, sort your answers to step b) into the following categories:
1. Things I can't influence
2. Things I can partly influence
3. Things that are fully within my control
Throw away everything that comes under column 1.
For the items in column 2, identify what support, resources, etc, you will need to have more influence.
Establish a plan for working through the remaining items, from column 3. Don't try and work on all of them at once - spread them over anything from 3 weeks to three years, depending on how many things you have on your list.
The Productive Pessimism Process provides you with focused work, which, as we've discussed, helps create happiness. It reduces the number of things you have to worry about - which is known to improve happiness. It reaffirms your sense of competence and control, which has been proven to be central to ongoing happiness.
If you'd like guidance in working through The Productive Pessimism Process for your own life challenges, then your best option would be to book a 1hr consultation via email; this gives you three email exchanges for just £45 - one for each step of the process. To book, simply email us - theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com
Diversions cheer us up. Focused efforts, even when we don't achieve them as we'd hoped, are what creates stable, enduring happiness.
The things which give me greatest happiness are the things I have had to work at;
. My marriage - which is a daily endeavour, requiring maintenance, attention to detail, self-sacrifice, and no small amount of lateral thinking.
. My writing - I haven't achieved the success I'd like with it yet, but I enjoy it for itself. I used to care about getting 'noticed', and, ideally, published - now, I don't. I work on making sure I'm saying something sensible, I work on presentation and tone, I work on other ways of presenting my thoughts. And it's this aspect of work which brings happiness.
. My pets - I have several pets; dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, and a hamster. All of them require a great deal of work to care effectively for them, and, in the dogs' case, to train them to be safe and acceptable in public. The work is often challenging, sometimes frustrating, but it's the work of having pets that means their presence makes me happy.
. My work - building The Productive Pessimist from very literal scratch is challenging. Often, it is challenging to the point of mental exhaustion. But, when I have work to do with The Productive Pessimist, I'm happy - very likely because of the challenges it presents.
There's also the fact that, because pessimists assume the worst, we notice and value the best when we experience it. Those who take for granted the fact that things will go well for them are often unhappy, because they assumed something which was causing them happiness would endure, and became frustrated when it ended - as passing things which make us happy always will.
Some pessimists are always unhappy - but not because they are pessimists.
Most pessimists, like most people, can experience times of unhappiness.
Some pessimists never really feel either happy or unhappy - they exist in a state of unremarkable neutral.
How can Productive Pessimism improve happiness?
Productive Pessimism is a technique, a cognitive tool. As such, one of the ways it can be used is to improve your own happiness.
1. Identify whether you are unhappy, or discontent.
Unhappiness is an emotion - you feel it in your chest and stomach primarily.
Discontentment, in contrast, is a cognitive state - you feel it in your mind first, although it can spread to your chest and stomach.
2. If you are unhappy, then use the Productive Pessimism Process to identify why you are unhappy.
The Productive Pessimism Process:
a) State the feeling, then question it from several angles: eg; "I am unhappy. Why am I unhappy? How am I unhappy? When did I start feeling unhappy? Where am I feeling the unhappiness most in my body? What helps with/exacerbates the unhappiness?" Make notes of your answers, keeping the questions separate.
b) Question the answers to the questions from step a).
Eg; Answer to the question 'Why am I unhappy?' - 'I am unhappy because I'm struggling at work' - "What am I struggling with at work? When did I first notice I was struggling?" Again, write down your answers - and make sure you question each of the answers from every part of step a).
c) Review your answers. Using different colours, or particular symbols, or whatever kind of system works for you, sort your answers to step b) into the following categories:
1. Things I can't influence
2. Things I can partly influence
3. Things that are fully within my control
Throw away everything that comes under column 1.
For the items in column 2, identify what support, resources, etc, you will need to have more influence.
Establish a plan for working through the remaining items, from column 3. Don't try and work on all of them at once - spread them over anything from 3 weeks to three years, depending on how many things you have on your list.
The Productive Pessimism Process provides you with focused work, which, as we've discussed, helps create happiness. It reduces the number of things you have to worry about - which is known to improve happiness. It reaffirms your sense of competence and control, which has been proven to be central to ongoing happiness.
If you'd like guidance in working through The Productive Pessimism Process for your own life challenges, then your best option would be to book a 1hr consultation via email; this gives you three email exchanges for just £45 - one for each step of the process. To book, simply email us - theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com
Comments
Post a Comment